Tara's Blog
30
Sep

SETBACKS – We all have them

Hello All! It’s been a long time, sorry about that. I recently fractured my tibia and have been ‘down and out.’ I have been debating if I should post the video that my boyfriend’s aunt took of me when I injured it and I decided that I would leave it up to you – if you want to see me in a huge sumo outfit knock down my BF, but then him fall and knock me down – and me plummet to the ground crying, let me know!  That is what happened in a nutshell. Now I cannot put ANY weight on my left leg and haven’t been able to for the past 3 1/2 weeks. In my downtime I have been writing and studying about health, fitness and a plan to get myself back on track. It is going to be very difficult for me to get active again when I can finally work out. This is why I am trying to start fresh with a new gym, trainer, attitude and of course a few new outfits. (I haven’t been able to shop and that also makes me upset – it’s hard to stand on one foot with crutches) After I started jotting down what I needed to do for me, I thought some of you could benefit from hearing what I am planning on doing.

Lets face it, we all experience setbacks in our lifetime. For me it came in a big fat suit when I decided to try something new. With this setback I have experienced a range of emotions – most very negative which is strange for me because I have become a positive person since being on Biggest Loser. I have realized that everyone reacts differently to a setback. My fractured tibia brought everything in my life into a disappointing halt. I was 2 months out from Ironman Florida, something that I have been working towards since last December plus being active is apart of who I am. Who am I if I am no longer active? My confidence and motivation hit rock bottom. I was also afraid that boredom and depression would sink in, would I turn to my ‘old comforts’ for happiness? Many of us react differently to setbacks that we encounter some lose confidence, become depressed, withdrawn, angry – or just lose it all together.

What I have done is to actually allow myself to feel those emotions. Of course, in the beginning all I wanted to do is have a pity party. I couldn’t believe that this happened to me right before my race – I was in disbelief! Sometimes, my eyes still swell with tears thinking that I will not get to be an Ironman this November, but I take deep breathe and tell myself this to shall pass. I now know that when one door closes I can break a window. This helps me overcome the situation.

I also have been dealing with anger thinking this is so unfair and I am so pissed off at my boyfriend for doing this. I knew deep down it wasn’t intentional, but we got competitive and $*&^ happens. That still doesn’t stop the feelings of bitterness and the little fights I instigated because of it. Over the past year, if I was feeling angry I would go workout hardcore! Now, that wasn’t an option so I tried my letter technique I have done in the past. I wrote a letter to the person I was most angry at saying all that I wanted to say. Once I put it all down on paper I dealt with it. I spoke with my boyfriend and he understood that I was feeling angry but because of the person he is he was able to make me smile and helped me feel better about the anger.

Of course, there were many times I said ‘what-if’ I didn’t  put on that sumo suit and I was still training. Or I would look at my training program to see what I would have to do today – would it be a brick, swim, run, bike, intervals, hill repeats. I was killing myself every time I did this. I said to myself “the good ol’ days aren’t coming back anytime soon sweetheart, so stop being so damn nostalgic!”  It is impossible for me to turn back time, so I have to stop thinking about the ‘what-ifs.’

I was depressed and was self-loathing in pity, anger and disbelief for a little under a week. Then I realized there are people who really struggle on a daily basis and they have the fortitude to get up everyday and live their life to the best of their ability – so why shouldn’t I? That is what I did, every morning I made sure I showered and actually put on makeup and dried my hair. It sounds silly, but I normally throw my hair back in a ponytail and wear lip balm.  I have been making a conscious effort to do things and get out of the house the best that I can. I even went food shopping with a motorized scooter!  For me fighting depression comes from my inner strength, I believe if others can do things well then I can too! There are no excuses.

Now, I look to my next challenge. What race will it be? I want to run a marathon before my Ironman next year and do a race overseas. I have come to accept that Ironman Florida is probably not going to happen. If the doc clears me to go, he still won’t clear me to run. I don’t know if I would be able to put myself in a situation knowing that I won’t be able to cross that finish line, I would push myself to do it and am afraid I could make the injury worse and be in a cast for 9 months! At this point it is about being positive, realizing new desires and focusing on plans to make things happen. I look forward to face my new challenges!

I am also making sure I am on track for my career goals – life coaching, teaching and becoming an author. I have more time to focus on my career right now and I should use that time wisely.

Today, I feel a new hope and optimism and I embrace that! Like I mentioned earlier for the next few weeks you will be seeing blogs about starting fresh, tools needed to do so and helpful tips to always turn that frown upside down.

Just For Today, smile for the person who isn’t!

Be Well,

T

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